The Real Freedom

Just before Sunrise

We walk through a really sketchy part of town. Not sketchy in the sense that there's a lot of poverty and we might get our stuff stolen. But more of an old tribal, hilly area where people still don't believe in wearing clothes and they walk around with bows and arrows, for killing.

As one of the villagers (who happens to be drunk) walks us through the bad part of town, he mentions that if the naga (naked) men see women, they might get other ideas. For a split second my ears perk up, “Did I hear that right?” There’s a moment of silence as everyone tries to walk together now. For a second, I feel the fear arise as my feet start walking faster and the bag no longer seems heavy. What's there to fear? Doesn't fear ultimately come from "ego," being attached to the "I." What am I trying to protect? Getting our stuff stolen, getting harassed, beaten, raped, killed? Ultimately, it’s just a physical body, it’s just stuff. Aren’t these the very attachments I’m trying to work on?

This is not who “I AM.”

I think about the dozens of ants I kill each day walking, they’re precious life too. Why does my life matter more? Then it dawns on me: it doesn’t! I’m just a tiny speck in the universe like everything else. And like everything else, I have my own attachments, family, community, and so forth. There’s nothing significantly special about me. Rationally, I know all this but something about experiencing it today brings forth different emotions that are next to impossible to put into words.

I feel a type of Freedom that I’ve never felt before. Freedom with a capital F, a Freedom that a leaf might feel in mid-flight after splitting from a tree. Suddenly, I have absolutely no fear. None. And these emotions are not coming out of denial, like those times when you’re trying to be strong. They’re coming from the purest space within me that I’m seldomly in touch with.

What’s even harder to explain is the oneness I feel with all of nature. I can feel that there is something much bigger looking after me almost like a mother – protecting and guiding me. I feel like I’ve been this arrogant child, not giving it much credence, but yet it’s been there every step of the way. I KNOW that nothing will happen today. Even if it does, it doesn’t matter. These are all my own brothers and sisters. We all lose our way sometimes. But in this moment, I feel completely enveloped in love. My heart expands further than it ever has to welcome that love. I try to hold onto that feeling for as long as I can and keep walking with a childlike glee. The universe is mine and I, its favorite daughter. The only thing left to do is to love. Everything else fades in comparison.